Resolving Conflict in 4 Steps
People disagree at work over promotions. Husbands and wives disagree over finances. Friends offend us. Neighbors argue over property lines. From the church to the workplace, with our spouse and our friends, we experience conflict in every stage of our life. We will hurt others and get it wrong and others will do the same with us. You cannot avoid inevitable conflicts.
Although many of us are conflict-averse, it makes it worse to bury it. It doesn’t go away just because we want it to. The ability to resolve conflicts is a critical life skill that will improve our mental and spiritual well-being.
The heart of good conflict resolution skills is to learn to CARE. Here’s what I mean:
1. Communicate
Open communication is key in any dispute. Facts are our friend. Silence is the kiss of death. Expressing how we feel about a situation and sticking to the facts will let the other person know we’re genuine in our actions. Get to it. Just say it. But none of us like a boney, accusatory finger ramming against our sternum. We are far more likely to hear the truth if it is spoken in love with compassion and friendliness. And give thought to right time and right place.
2. Actively Listen
Listen more… talk less. There is great wisdom to resolve conflict in James 1:19 - quick/slow/slow. Quick to listen. Slow to speak. Slow to become angry. Listen to what the other person has to say, without interrupting. Try to be objective. Then, ask open-ended questions to make sure all involved understand what the other person thinks and how he/she feels.
3. Review Options
Talk over the options, looking for solutions that benefit everyone. Do not feel pressured to come up with one answer immediately. Bring in an objective third party for ideas, if necessary. Pride lies in us saying we can solve our problems. Humility asks for help when we need it.
4. End with a Win-Win Solution
This is the ultimate goal—to agree on an option that benefits both sides to some extent. When one party wins by aggressive behavior or one party simply gives in, someone is losing. And that means we get outcomes that do not resolve the underlying causes of the conflict. Aim to work together towards finding a solution to differences that results in both sides being satisfied.
Rather than simply dismissing a relationship after a rough patch or argument, good conflict resolution skills will help us experience extraordinarily better relationships. They will help us grow personally and become more effective in ministering health and life to others. This is an invitation to all of us to healthier living.
