For Greater Happiness and Fulfillment, Build Relationships

Our relationships with others are the lifeblood of our happiness and fulfillment. A study by Columbia University found the prevalence of mental health issues—specifically depression and anxiety—is linked to the deterioration of the quality and quantity of relationships.

Other studies indicate that “social capital” is one of the biggest predictors of health and longevity. In other words, relationships heal. Research correlates the number of friends with longer life. Robert Putnam in Bowling Alone says that if you don’t belong to a group and you join one now, you’ll cut your chance of dying in half for the next year. My conclusion, it is better to Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups with friends than kale alone.

What if I am not “connected”? Here are some ways to start building relationships. 

1. Invest

To have great relationships, you’ll need to invest time and depth. Jeffery Hall’s research finds it takes about 60 hours of sharing time, conversation, and connections to build a friendship. You’ll need to be intentional about spending time together.

It’s beneficial to take your relationships one friend at a time. While you may get together in groups, you’ll need to develop connections with each person in turn.

2. Divulge and Risk

The relationships that thrive are typically multi-faceted—they include plenty of depth, but also plenty of different activities and time together. Sit around together sipping a beverage or playing a game. Travel and serve together. When a friend is having a difficult time, your presence can make it okay even when it may not be okay.

Great relationships demand a level of intimacy. True connections arise from really knowing someone. To nurture this type of intimacy, share your ups and downs in life. Be vulnerable. Little by little, open up to others and divulge details about yourself. This invites others to open up as well.

 3. Make It Meaningful

You can also build relationships by being intentional about what you talk about. Research suggests asking questions can be especially powerful. Rather than talking about the weather or gas prices, ensure you’re sharing meaningful details about yourself. Beginning a question with “What” or “How” usually leads to a more in-depth, two-way conversation. 

4. Be Present – Be Where Your Feet Are

Even brief encounters are meaningful if you are fully present. The key to leveraging your time with others is being where your feet are. Both mentally and physically, being fully immersed and mindful about where you are. Give yourself to what’s happening at the moment rather than thinking about your next activity and allowing distractions.

Creating and maintaining relationships may seem like a monumental task, but it’s critical for health and wellbeing. Making an investment in your relationships today will pay off immediately, but also in the long term. We are better together.